It’s your actions that define you, not your hair, your clothes, or your tattoos
Trying to define yourself with adornments whether it’s blue hair, tattoos, piercings, designer fashions or anything else, is superficial and meaningless, at best. Nothing is wrong with any of those things per se, other than perhaps the cost, but it’s not those superficial things that ultimately define you — to your friends, your family, your spouse, or your co-workers.
Think of the wacky looking characters who populated the Capitol in The Hunger Games and what their affected, over-the-top appearance represented: vanity, self-obsession, wealth, greed, gluttony, a vapid superficiality, and a lack of empathy for their fellow countrymen who were starving to death in the other Districts.
Worst case scenario is that the impression you end up giving is not the one you intended. Like I said, people who try too hard to let their outer appearance define them can end up coming across as insecure or even as someone suffering from an identity crises. Yes, an identity crises — probably the exact opposite of the image they were trying to convey.
You are not your reflection, sweetie. Your reflection is just a piece of glass — it’s not real. Don’t get obsessed with a piece of glass, dear. You are your thoughts, your words, your actions, your relationships, your accomplishments, your dreams and aspirations. You are not just a reflection in piece of glass.
In Feng Shui, they tell you not to put any mirrors in your bedroom because it’s stressful — it is not relaxing to look at your own reflection, especially when undressing! Women especially tend to notice all the flaws. Instead of seeing the 10 things that are great about about our body or face, we only see the flaws staring back at us. Your physical appearance is just your outer casing, your peanut shell. It’s not that it doesn’t matter at all, it’s just that, big picture, it’s not what really matters. As a woman, if you can grasp this idea in your 20s, you will be way ahead of the game.
Extremely successful people often dress very simply and look really plain. Some have a “uniform” that they wear — they literally wear the exact same thing every day so they don’t waste time thinking about or shopping for clothes. They’re far too busy for all that superficial stuff. If you’re in the fashion industry, this may not apply to you, but even some famous fashion designers are known for wearing all black or having a simple personal “uniform.”
Like I said earlier, I have always been a little leery of people who try too hard with their outer appearance. I always feel like they are trying to overcompensate in some way, or that it’s a sign of their insecurity. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but on some gut level it’s a little bit of a turn-off to me. Certain styles can end up making a person seem like a follower, like they are just copying the latest trend or someone else’s look that they think is cool. That being said, I love it when someone has a bold style that is truly authentic, seems genuine, and reflects who they really are. Be bold if that’s who you are, but just be real.
Ultimately dear, people are going to judge you by your words, your actions, your abilities and how you treat them. They’ll judge you based on whether you show up on time, whether you get the job done, and if they enjoy your company. It doesn’t matter how nice you’re dressed if you open your mouth and something really rude or stupid comes out. People will remember the rude thing you said, not your hair or your outfit. Your appearance alone will not get you very far in life.
Also remember, some tattoo that has great meaning to you may be just a “tramp stamp” or “bad art” to someone else. Keep in mind that everyone has tattoos now, even grandmas! Getting inked is not the big rebellious statement it was 20 years ago. When it comes down to it, your tattoos are pretty meaningless to other people. Like I said, it's your actions and words that they really care about.
Call me old-fashioned, but I truly believe it’s what you do with your life, how you spend your time, what you create, and how you treat people that really makes a statement to the world, not a trendy pair of shoes, a funky hat, designer eyewear, a cool haircut, nose jewelry, or a tattoo.
Rebecca Pavlik is the author of Time to Break Some Rules, Sweetie! a humorous advice book for young women. For more details and to view on Amazon click here.