It's Time to Redefine What it Means to be a Woman
When it comes to your appearance, and everything else, you alone get to decide what it means to be a woman. Younger generations are constantly stepping outside of preconceived ideas and dated stereotypes about what it means, or doesn’t mean, to be a woman.
In fact, why do we even need some rigid definition? Why do women have to be defined by their gender at all? Why do any of us need to play “the role” of a woman? Reproductively, sexually, we may be female, but why does that have do define everything else we do? Why are women expected to dress and behave like a woman, like a girl, like a lady — and who’s coming up with these definitions? Hollywood? Your mother? Your religion? The fashion industry? The patriarchy? Who decided that women should wear dresses and high heels, wear makeup, and have long hair? Also, ask yourself how much of what young women do is simply out of competitiveness with other women.
I’ve always admired the androgynous styles of women like Grace Jones, Annie Lennox, Tilda Swinton, Ellen Degeneres, Pink and other strong women, who are both stylish and powerful looking at the same time. I think society needs to evolve past the dated, outmoded stereotypes of the male and female gender. I think we’re slowly moving in the right direction, but at a snail’s pace, unfortunately.
Every new generation starts over in a sense — they get to start from scratch. Like the flappers of the Jazz Age, they can reinvent their roles based on the times they are living in. Please darling, don’t let the current patriarchy dictate what your role should be, or how you should act or dress, or how you should wear your hair, or how big your boobs should be.
Moreover, you may be a gender-nonconforming or non-binary person, who doesn’t self-identify as either male or female. It gives me hope that we as a society (at least in some places) are evolving and starting to move away from rigid and traditional definitions of the male/female gender and that we are finally acknowledging that quite a lot of people don’t fit neatly into one category or the other. Gender is not black and white. There are many beautiful shades of gray, when it comes to gender. Furthermore, I love the idea that many parents are trying to raise their kids as gender-neutral as possible. How refreshing! I think it’s a giant step in the right direction, not imprinting little children with the outdated even toxic constraints of traditional male and female stereotypes.
In fact, be very leery of any and all female stereotypes. Ask yourself why these stereotypes exist and who they benefit. Ask yourself if a man would be expected to do the same, behave the same, or dress the same. Sometimes the best question is simply, “What would a man do?” I say this not because men are smarter but because they don’t have the same societal constraints or expectations as women. They think differently about their role in society, in business, in the home, and in relationships. They often come at problems from a different angle, from a no-apologies, aggressive, competitive, alpha-male, “screw you” kind of place. Constantly be asking yourself, “How would a man handle this?” or, “Would the same be expected of me if I were a man?" You’ll be surprised by how differently most men would handle a situation — they just don’t worry about so many of the things women worry about (not that the male approach is always the right approach, sometimes it isn't). I think women are bigger worriers than men, and are more likely to be “people pleasers,” and all this holds us back sometimes.
The most important thing is to think for yourself and be yourself. Form your own ideas and opinions about the kind of life you would like to lead, which may have little to do with your gender. There will always be old fashioned and sexist men out there who would prefer you to wear a tight low-cut dress and six inch heels everyday, cook them an organic gourmet meal every night (among other things), and magically take care of all the household chores, all while working a full-time job, but that doesn’t mean that’s what you should do (please don’t do that, honey).
Maybe you would rather shave your head and wear a bolo tie and cowboy boots, or something else that isn’t the stereotypical norm. Never ever feel guilty about not conforming to some other person’s sexist stereotype of femininity. I’m sure you are far more interesting than any silly stereotype, darling.
Rebecca Pavlik is the author of Time to Break Some Rules, Sweetie! a humorous advice book for young women. For more details and to view on Amazon click here.