Don't Be Too Quick to Fall in Love, Sweetie
Do not get caught up in the fantasy of love, the myth of love. Love for love’s sake. Don’t put some guy you barely know on a pedestal, just because you slept with him once, or you’ve been admiring him from afar. Trust me pumpkin, when I tell you that you really need to get to know someone first, because it’s actually quite easy to fall in love with the wrong person or someone you barely know. People do it every day and hearts get broken.
The less we know about someone, the easier it is to love them, because we are falling for the fantasy of them, not a real person. It’s akin to a celebrity crush. It’s also extremely easy to fall in love with the wrong person simply because you desire so badly to be in love, or it just feels so good to be in love. Maybe you don’t feel quite whole, or complete without a man in your life, or maybe you’re just lonely. Maybe he’s really fun to be with. There are those charmers who are super easy to fall for — that doesn’t mean you’re going to feel the same about them a year later, or that a year later they will even be around.
Loving someone does not mean they are the right person for you. Just be honest with yourself honey, and keep your eyes open. Don’t lie to yourself about who they really are. Don’t make excuses for some guy or gal who doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do about them.
There is also that pesky myth that love conquers all, but in reality it doesn’t. If your prince charming has a fatal flaw, loving him will not fix it. So just take it slow, sweetie. Don’t fall for every man you date. Worry more about yourself, your life, your livelihood, your career — nurture your soul. Do not expect a lover to fill in all the missing pieces (so to speak). And do not expect your partner to make you happy — that’s asking way too much of the poor guy. Talk about pressure! No one can make you happy. That’s something you have to do.
And if you are broken in some way, love will not fix you either. Love is great but it will not fix you and it certainly will not fix him. Love is not a cure-all for everything that ails you. Nurture yourself, love yourself, try to be happy on your own and you will attract the right person. Being “in love” is a high that eventually wears off. That’s when the real loving begins, after the honeymoon is over. There is a great book on this subject, the psychology of love, titled The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, M.D.
The right partner will lift you up, not drag you down. They will be your best friend. They will support you and the things you care about. They will love you even after they really get to know you! They won’t be a problem that needs to be solved. Remember, if your relationship is too much work, then he’s the wrong guy, or she’s the wrong gal. A relationship that’s too much work is not sustainable, and also not much fun. It should never feel like work, sweetie.
Rebecca Pavlik is the author of Time to Break Some Rules, Sweetie! a humorous advice book for young women. For more details and to view on Amazon click here.