Check your ego at the door, sweetie
Is your need for constant approval getting in the way of everything else?
Take an acting class and it will be advised that you check your ego at the door. You cannot get on a stage in front of other people and worry about making an ass of yourself. Of course you’re going to make an ass of yourself! That’s the whole point! Of course you will forget your lines, unwittingly do something funny, and screw up big time. That’s why you’re taking the class. That’s also part of acting: being human, being vulnerable, making mistakes, and revealing honest human emotions.
The same thing goes for public speaking. If you join Toastmasters or something similar, you will practice giving speeches in front of the group. It’s scary at first, but why? What is everyone so afraid of? I’ll tell you: we’re afraid of not being smooth and sophisticated and all-knowing. We’re afraid of what others will think of us. Well, who are these “others” and why do you care so much what they think of you? We all have the same fears — the fear of appearing foolish in public, the fear of judgement.
That’s your ego talking. Deep down, you don’t really care what the people in your acting class think about you, or the goobers in your Toastmasters group, who are probably worse at public speaking than you. That fear is just your fragile, whiny, insecure little ego talking. How much of what you do (or don’t do) is because of your ego? Think about it. Your ego expects you to be perfect all the time. But here’s a little secret: the rest of us don’t. We know you’re human and we actually expect you to screw up once in a while. No one is harder on you or more unrealistic than your own ego!
Anything and everything that you do that is meant to impress others is because of your ego. From the trendy over-priced clothes you buy to your car to your designer purse to your job, to the neighborhood you live in and your furniture — how much of it is simply to impress others? How much of all of those “status” purchases actually makes your life more interesting, more fun, more of an adventure? How much time and money do you spend merely seeking the approval of others?
If you think you might have an ego problem or the need for constant approval, then I suggest making a few lists. First, make a list of things you do or spend money on that you suspect are more about your ego, status, and the need for approval. Then make another list of things you’ve been wanting to do, such as personal projects, creative projects, fitness goals, financial goals, travel, volunteering, and hobbies, that you never seem to get to because you don’t have the money or time. Do you really need that expensive car with the $800 monthly payment? Do you really need a $300 purse or backpack? No, you don’t, sweetie.
This is why people who’ve been in therapy, have read a lot of self-help books, or studied human psychology are at a big advantage. They understand why people do the things they do, their motivation, and they can see through everyone’s needy, insecure facade. Oh yes, they see right through you! Not only are they much more self-aware, they benefit from understanding their own patterns, habits and ego. These enlightened folks are able to let go of the constant need for approval.
Ask yourself dear, are you really that important, in the big scheme of things? Maybe you could be, but not if your entire life is dedicated to feeding your own ego. Perhaps you’ve heard the saying, “the cemeteries are full of indispensable men.” No one really cares about your designer clothes, your mid-century modern furniture, your amazing apartment. Nobody really cares! And by that, I simply mean, stop being so self-important.
Yes pumpkin, you’re special, and you matter and your life matters. What you do with your life matters, and your happiness matters, but what other people think of you — your ego — doesn’t matter one bit. Your ego just trips you up and gets in the way of what you really care about, deep down. When you do something that is mainly to satisfy your ego, it’s likely a big waste of time and of money. Even worse, your ego will get in the way of having fun — your ego will stop you from doing many things that might make you look foolish, or that your friends don’t think is cool, and so on. Your ego is an insecure, superficial, nasty little bugger!
So check your ego at the door, or better yet, just dump it in the trash. Get out there and dance or do karaoke, and make a big foolish arse of yourself! So what if someone sitting on the sidelines laughs — you got out there and had a great time!
Rebecca Pavlik is the author of Time to Break Some Rules, Sweetie! a humorous advice book for young women. For more details and to view on Amazon click here.